Musings | Lent

Okay, I resolved this year to not start every blog post with commentary on the weather or the passage of time, and since I've started and deleted this paragraph at least three times because I can't not bring either of those two things up, we're just going to get right to it.

February is so many things (Valentines! Groundhogs Day! Seasonal Depression!) but I'm here to talk to you about Lent. Do you give anything up? I do, and I know it's supposed to be for Jesus, but I'm not Catholic, so I just do it for me. There's just something about doing something mildly inconvenient and earning that weird sense of accomplishment, you know? 

Last year, I gave up Target. I abstained, but within a week I decided that purchasing things online and having them delivered to my house still counted as technically staying out of Target. I figure the Christians love a loophole, so I found myself one and self-congratulated myself for being so dang devout.  

This year I'm giving up social media. I hardly even post, which is almost worse, because I mostly just lurk, peeking at people's lives and mindlessly scrolling for hours every night. I'm honestly embarrassed. If I actually acted on the series of "cleaning hacks" and "parenting hacks" that I watch daily, maybe I could justify it. But the truth is my life is presently a steaming hot mess - my house is constantly in shambles, I've never found the time or motivation to hack anything, and my parenting style could be called "winging it" at best. Furthermore, I have a pile of "holy grail" make-up that basically just reminds me that it costs a whole lot to look this tired. 

Truthfully, I've been struggling with just feeling...unpleasant...I guess? I don't know. It's like I'm drowning in bad feelings and it's reminiscent of a particularly rough stage after I had Duke. I don't know what triggers it, but I remember then that I felt so out of sorts and disorganized and I let things fall apart around me because I couldn't drum up the energy to deal with them. This week, I made a dentist appointment for Duke and patted myself on the back because it took me no less that 7 weeks of writing it on my weekly to-do list to finally do it. I'm out of sorts and disorganized and letting things fall apart all over again. I guess my longwinded point is THANK JESUS for Lent. I need to be forced out of my lazy coping mechanisms. I mean, look at me, writing a blog on Ash Wednesday - literally the first day of Lent. Normally I'd be 2 hours in a scroll fest that resulted in nothing but a full amazon cart by now, laying on my couch with crumbs on my chest, but give me forced boredom and maybe I'll do something productive. 

Honestly, I hope with my whole heart that social media is as harmful as they (who though?) suggests. Ideally this Lenten fast delivers more than an imaginary accomplishment. I'd like a changed life in my Easter basket. Maybe I'll pick up exercising with all this free time. I mean, who knows?!

Happy Lent to all who partake in the act of not partaking. I wish you willpower and hope you enjoyed a whole lot of paczkis (or your moral equivalent) in preparation.