Fathers Day | 2023

When I was two, my mom got married. She took three kids into that marriage - the older two had an actual dad, and me, the baby, dadless. Our new stepdad was maybe 28? I'm old enough now to understand what an undertaking that is to suddenly become a parent at such a young age. I think he generously tolerated me, but overstepped his boundaries a lot, probably because was trying to figure out this whole thing too. I really had to grow up to have empathy for that. The flailing around we do as adults because we don't actually have it figured out. We're really good at keeping it a secret from kids, but we all know we're just winging it. That said, I was resentful for a long time that, after they went on to have three more kids, I was the odd one out. Everyone got a dad except me. 

My Opa, my mom's dad, swooped in and filled that space and this is an area of contention in our family, but he made me feel loved and protected and like I belonged somewhere. He made me feel like I was special and a valued member of his family. And isn't that what a dad is? Isn't that what a dad does? He probably works and mows the lawn and plays driveway basketball, but that's the showing that does the telling. My Opa taught me how to drive a stick and he patiently sat at left turn lights while I stalled out all summer long. When I was little, I'd hide in the kitchen cupboard and yell "Opaaaaa come find me!" when he came home from work. He'd make a whole show of stomping around the house, looking under beds and behind curtains, before swinging open the cupboard door and letting me leap into his arms. He made me feel like I belonged and I did, of course I did, but I didn't have that feeling anywhere else. 

He died ten years ago this month and I miss him. I am forever grateful for who he was to me and what he gave to me. Everything that a dad is supposed to be, he was to me. 

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Happy Fathers Day to all the dads, the grandpas, the guys who step in as dads, the cool uncles, and stand ins, and all the dads that extend their love and guidance to nieces and nephews and neighbor kids. 

And mostly, happy Father's Day to Ryan. Everything a good dad is, you are in excess. Duke is the luckiest and I'm selfishly so happy I get to parent beside you. Raising Duke and always raising hell - we love you for it.