Musings | July 23, 2022

Hey guys! It's Friday while I write this, so I'm going to say "happy Friday!" even though it will probably take me a week and a half to complete and so it'll more likely be "happy Tuesday!" before I hit the publish button. *Edited to add: it is now Saturday, but two weeks later. 

Such is life. Such is summer. Every weekend I think THIS will be the weekend that I just chill out and maybe catch up on the laundry. But every weekend turns into many trips to the beach, watching the sunset over Lake Michigan, and pouring a bowl of doritos for dinner and walking to the bonfire in the backyard. There is always something more interesting to do and this summer in particular feels like it's going at warp speed, maybe because it took well into June to consistently warm up. It feels like it's only just beginning and also somehow half over. 

I've been thinking a lot about how much I would be willing to give up to push the pause button right here. To always be 33 and always have a sweet, affectionate 5-year-old son. To have these dogs that are "adults" but not old. To live in July forever. I'd give up ever retiring or moving someplace permanently warm or any other good life change that happens when you're older. I'd give it all up and happily be this person I am today with all it's troubles just to preserve it. Alas. 

July always brings up these feelings for me and they're no more original this year than they are any of the years preceding it. My birthday is at the end of the month and it coincides with Target putting out their new backpacks and fresh packs of pencils and I feel the simultaneous weight of getting older and the summer coming to an end. It's too early for this worry, but it's coming. 

***

In other news, we are in the midst of a heatwave, which I just love honestly. Uncomfortable, can't sleep at night, sweaty heat. I need it - it's the only thing that makes the next season bearable. I have to get so worn out on hot sticky summertime, that cooler temperatures are a welcome reprieve. I guess I need too much of a good thing. 

Duke's newest obsession is burying people in the beach sand. Me, himself, his shoes. 

Anyway, speaking of good things, I think I'm finally back in a "I can read anything" groove. I read a lot I think, but it's been decades since I've been in this groove. Hear me out -- when I was a kid, I read voraciously, probably because I didn't have Instagram to distract me, and my mom was stingy about the TV. I pretty much read anything and enjoyed it. By the time I was in college, I read a lot of things because I had to, and got burned out on so much reading, most of it classics that I frankly just don't enjoy - perhaps making me a bad English major, but whatever. After graduation, I mostly reread things I already knew I loved. I still liked reading, but there is just something so comforting about dipping into a book I already know I enjoy. Then I had Duke and didn't read for a couple of years, before really bootstrapping and making a resolution one cold New Years to read something like 12 books. That was in 2019 and I reread a lot of old favorites. In 2020, I started the year rereading something I've read no less than 10 times and it's one of my favorites, but I didn't really enjoy it this time. I've sadly read it too much, so then I aspired to only read new books. Two years later, I'm still only reading new books and this summer I really feel a shift. I don't quit books very often anymore. I'm not resting on old familiar reads. I'm cheerfully in a groove of putting in the effort to get hooked and I'm happy to be here. 

Duke and I are roughly halfway through Charlotte's Web and while he was obstinate at first, he's finally into it. He asked me to read two chapters a few nights ago, and while we drove home from a camping trip in the UP, he asked for "one more chapter, Mom" for about three hours. I was frankly hoarse by the time we pulled in the driveway. We started watching the old 1974 movie in 15 minute increments before bed this week. I'm careful not to let us us get past where we are in the book, but I do think it's helpful for him to have a visual of Fern and Templeton and the goose. We talk like the goose pretty regularly now, and I hope you remember as well as I do so I don't sound silly for saying as much -- lots of toasty-oasty-oasty and terrific-ific-ific around here. 

In other lovely summer news, we've reached a point where we can comfortably watch movies outside on the projector I bought back in June. It was tougher when it seemed like it was still light outside at 11pm, but now that it dims enough to watch something around 9:30, we can start a movie and sometimes even finish it before falling asleep. I'm deep into my comfort zone over there - happily watching old movies I know I love with no current ambitions to change. Last night was my very favorite - Never Been Kissed, but I'd like to watch Dirty Dancing sometime soonish (I recently read about one of those old Jewish Catskills resorts and it got me all kinds of in the mood to relive it more visually), and I think Duke would enjoy the LL version of Parent Trap. Feels like a summer bop imho. 

***

Looks like it's going to be another beautiful day and a scorcher too. Long live summer. Please.