Musings | On Disappearing to Reinvent

Last night, I was laying in bed thinking about this thing I keep seeing variations of on instagram and Pinterest: 

'Tis the season, after all. 

I think about it a lot because I'm so inspired by the idea. It's like a fantasy. So impossible to disappear, but wow, I love the idea of it. It reminded me of summers when I was a kid. On the last day of school, I'd board the bus for home, wave goodbye to my friends and then spend the next two-ish months isolated from everyone. We didn't live in a neighborhood, so it was just me and my sisters, fighting and commiserating and racing each other on bikes in the backyard on a daily rotation. This is the 90's of course, so there's no social media. Nobody's posting on Facebook yet about their weekend. Sometimes I'd call my friends, but I'd risk having to chat with their dad for a few minutes if he's the one who picked up the house phone. That was always weird. 

I didn't realize then that I was effectively disappearing, but boy did I feel a desire to rebrand. Maybe a week or two before school started, I'd get this inspired excitement, heady because I'd remember that I could come back to school, maybe cool? IDK. Fresh haircut, new shoes, jeans nobody has seen me wear every other day yet. God, what a feeling. 

I wonder what it's like to be a kid now. Disappearing seems impossible to me, and not just because I have to go to work year around, and I have to show up in carline after school, and basically show my face at a million other responsibilities. But mostly because of the internet. Without real discipline, can we ever really disappear?

I recently saw a variation of the disappear content, and instead it suggested that I (we?) quit chasing cheap dopamine hits. Now there's a realistic goal, in my opinion. These cheap dopamine hits, it suggested, include scrolling, social media, telling people goals before they're achieved. That last one was very curious to me, but science would suggest that saying something lofty like "I want to write a book" and getting the snug warm feelings of people immediately cheering you on can be enough to temporarily fulfill the dopamine need, leading one to never need to get started on that book (or goal) at all. Interesting!

I gave myself a big audacious goal this year, that I guess I'm not going to tell you because then I won't achieve it (like telling a birthday candle blowing out wish!) and I suppose my great takeaway from the disappear directive is rather than actually going away, maybe it just means be quiet.

I'm willing to give it a try. I'm going to be quiet about my goals and about my complaints and just chug along silently. It's about as much disappearing as I can manage, and I'm curious to see how much harder I'll chase dopamine if I'm not getting those cheap little hits. 

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A couple more things - 

 

I'm leaning into winter this year. 

Haha. Do you like snow? 

A case for Gentle January. I'm sold. 

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Target Run - 

Boring stuff mostly, as I continue to use January to get my life back in order after the gluttony of the holidays. 

I bought this $10 trash can specifically for bottles and cans. I'm embarrassed to tell you that we usually toss our cans in the trash, and this year I've resolved to return/recycle them. A nice tidy place to put them feels like it'll help me stay on track. 

A forever repurchase is this SunBum glowy sunscreen. 

I went on and on about the $12 lamp I bought for my dining room and it's such a cozy glow this time of year, I bought another one for my kitchen. I cannot overstate this, it is worth every single penny. 

I bought a couple of these baskets in varying sizes to corral Duke's toys all over my house. 

Very luxe look on these $7 wine glasses. I was surprised at the price point! The coupe glasses look just as boujee. 

I mean, if we're buying boring things like cups, shouldn't they be beautiful? $3.99, you guys!

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That's it for me this week. Happy Friday!