Christmas Past

Yesterday, I was looking for a specific picture and so I found myself scrolling through the archives at 6:30am which is peak emotional hour for me. I was drinking my coffee, candles lit on the the counter, feeling very sloppy with sentiment as I clicked on picture after picture of my sweet baby boy in various stages of cute. 

And yet, I sometimes have to remind myself that even in my personal pictures, they're a snapshot of happy times. You hear that about social media all the time, you know. It's a highlight reel, nobody's posting their problems, etc etc. Similarly, I'm not saving pictures of meltdowns in the grocery store, or trudging down the stairs in the middle of the night for a bottle of milk, but still I scrolled past years of Duke and thought to myself, "why did I think this was so hard?"

I don't know, probably because memories are a golden place where only the good stuff gets to live. In that moment, I just really felt the scene from Christmas Vacation, when Clark is sitting in his cold attic, watching the slides from Christmas past. It feels good and I'm glad that I only remember the good parts. 

A few weeks ago, I put together a post wandering through years of Thanksgiving pictures and it was such a wonderful personal project. I'm going to repeat that again here, featuring Christmas memories. If I were Clark and this blog were my attic, these are the scenes that would be flipping across my makeshift screen. 

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2015

The year we bought our house. We got the keys on December 12th and while Ryan moved the couch in and unloaded truckloads of boxes, I went to work immediately setting up our Christmas tree. First order of business!

We also made a deposit on George and I promptly got pregnant, but of course, at the moment I took this photo, I had no idea how differently everything would look in a year. For now, please enjoy Ralph, standing around aimlessly which was very much his normal. 

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2016

There he is! We had a 3-month old baby the following Christmas. If you're looking for him, you'll also spot the 1-year rottweiler terrorizing my life. 

I was freshly back to work for about two weeks and sleeping roughly three hours a night, but GD is my baby cute!

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2017

Oh man, we are in the thick of it here, but we managed to clear the first year, and even though he doesn't "get" Christmas, he knows times are exciting. He still doesn't sleep much, but he makes up for it by being supremely precious. And when he does slumber, I snap pictures for posterity. 

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2018

Oh fun! Color coordinated jammies and the year he started to enjoy the books I read to him. We were deep in The Little Blue Truck years, which frankly breaks my heart that he's moved on from them. The last page of the Christmas edition lights up and boy, did that delight us both!

He also was (is!) my little ham sandwich who happily posed for our family Christmas card. Still one of my favorites. 

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2019

I took Duke to a Christmas parade in Traverse City where people are asshats and I vowed to never attend that shit show again. But I did get this good picture, that felt very apropro in the moment. 

More matchy-matchy things, and also the year we began the Elf on the Shelf business. I know it's not for everyone, but we enjoy it around here. 

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2020

You remember, it was the worst year ever. But it...wasn't? I can read a room, so I wasn't advertising loudly, but we'd had a great year. We were fresh off a 4-month RV camping trip all over the USA and it felt so good to be cozy and home again. 

I totally forgot about that pedal tractor that crashed into every piece of furniture I have, but boy did he love ripping around on it. Also, I bought two advent calendars that year for Duke, so he went straight on to Jan. 20th, collecting his daily chocolate. 

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2021

This was the year we became a "game family" and I have been perched up at the kitchen table playing many rounds of Sorry and Trouble and Uno ever since. 

And I love this picture. I can't remember all the details, but I know for sure it was at my in-law's house for a family Christmas. I suspect he just needed a people break, but Grandma coddled him like only grandmas do. He's laid up in her bed with a fresh bowl of buttered noodles, just "maxin' and relaxin' as he likes to tell me. 

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2022

My baby is the same age as Kevin McCallister, which feels weird because I grew up with Home Alone. Kevin feels like my peer, but I recently learned that I am indeed roughly the same age as Kevin's mom now. Things sure do change. 

Speaking of changes, Duke writes his own letters to Santa. He got that hoverboard "n that's it thank u. luv duke." The hoverboard is responsible for a lot of dings and scratches in my cupboards and furniture around here, but I have no regrets. He rips around the house on that thing - it's frankly inspiring. On the other hand, I'm surprised an adult hasn't achieved a broken arm in this house. It does not come quite so naturally to the over 21 crowd, particularly when they've had some drinks. 

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2023

And so, here we are. In the midst of another holiday season living the memories that I'll fondly look at next year and forever. We had our first family gathering of the season last weekend and I think this picture will be a favorite for a long while. My brother in law somehow scooped up his daughter, granddaughter and Duke and it made me think of my Opa, who had eight kids and a bazillion grandkids and who told me you never run out of love. That's cheesy, I know, but he was a sentimental man and I am too. No matter how many people you have in your life, you do not run out of love for them. Somehow there's just more to give. 

Here we all are, haphazardly captured with a timer, but we're all there and we're all smiling. 

More sentimental outpouring - it's not a particularly good picture but it does make me emotional. More kids wasn't in the cards for Ryan and I, which Duke has been very disappointed by. He never asks Ryan about it, but constantly peppers me with pretty accusatory inquisitions to which I try to encourage him to accept that this is our family, while privately knowing that I am sorry he doesn't have a sibling. Ryan and I are both so close with ours and I wish he did have a built in best friend. But things work out the way they work out. 

I have told myself that there would be other children who came into our lives and filled that void, and last year, my niece had a baby girl. Duke probably would have been a wonderful big brother, but I think he's finding being a big cousin is just as nice. He certainly takes his role seriously. 

And a few more - 

I knew Kell was getting Duke a squishmallow and she'd casually mentioned how much she loved how soft they are. Duke and I hatched a plan to give her one too. He was so excited to give her that present (almost as excited as he was to open the one she gave him!). 

He and I did some Christmas shopping for Ryan this weekend and he is JUST as excited for Ryan to open his gift. Ryan sometimes reads here, so I can't say just yet what it is, but I promise we shall all laugh and laugh on Christmas morning. 

Someday, this is not a joke, I am going to make a picture book and I'll call it "The Faces of Hayden Hodges" because listen, for 7 years I've been taking cute pictures of my baby only to find her mug somewhere in the background, and it makes me cackle every single time. 

Ryan's sister grabbed me right before everyone walked out. "I want a picture with my little brothers," she said. Little brothers, indeed. A simple kitchen picture with an old iPhone, but I know a Mom and Dad who will positively treasure this picture. 

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Merry Christmas you guys. Let's all watch Christmas Vacation this week and try not to cry with Clark in the attic. PS - I had Ray Charles playing in my mind the entire time I was writing this and I hope you guys enjoy it as much as I do!