I Will Do What I Say I Will Do | December 1, 2023

When I was in high school, I lived with my Opa and Oma and I distinctly remember my Opa getting up early every morning and heading to the local Big Boy for coffee. At the time, I didn't really get it - we had coffee at home, but I was (am?) also too self-absorbed to busy myself with the habits of other people. And anyway, it left quiet time to eat breakfast with my Oma while she fussed over me, filling my tea cup and asking if she could boil me an egg. 

The Big Boy isn't there anymore. The building is, but it's a Bagger Daves now, and so the vibe is decidedly different. I went in last spring and sat at the bar, but I couldn't feel my Opa in that room anymore. My Opa isn't here anymore either, so I guess sometimes chapters close so hard, you can never revisit the page, but every time I pass a Big Boy restaurant, I think of him. 

One morning a a few weeks ago, I had a little free time, so I grabbed my computer and purse and headed to Panera Bread, which curiously enough is right across the street from my Opa's old Big Boy. I ordered a cup of coffee and sat down to work on a story that I'm writing, and then of course, write this blog. 

And I get it now. The quiet anonymity of drinking coffee by oneself is truly wonderful. Doing it in a place where there are no dishes in a sink calling to me to take care of them, or a dog, looking piteously at me from the door, asking to go outside. I'm frankly grateful to have those responsibilities because it means I have a home that requires care and companionship that does too, but it's also so nice have a brief reprieve from them to quietly focus on something else. 

***

I've been thinking a lot about discipline vs motivation. 

I'm putting this into the universe and so I'll also say it here - I want very badly to write for a living, in some capacity. This feels as absurd as saying "I'd like to be famous in Hollywood" in terms of being realistic, but also a quiet voice says to me, but there are famous people in Hollywood, and some people are paid to write. And so if some people can achieve those things, why shouldn't it be me? 

Like probably most people (I hope, I beg), I am driven by my moods. I'm a slave to my emotions. I'm not in the moooood to be creative. I don't feel like pulling words out of my head. I only want to do it when I feel inspired. And so, I return to thoughts of discipline vs motivation. I don't think it's enough to be motivated, and I am struggling with discipline. 

Finding myself tucked into this booth at Panera Bread though, the words positively flowed. Is this why my Opa got out of bed so early, dressed himself, and went immediately to the Big Boy? I don't know. People contain a great many surprises, and I don't think he was a writer, but whatever he was, there was something that gave him the space to focus on whatever it was that inspired him. And maybe it was just reading the newspaper, which is fair enough. 

Discipline is an admirable quality and I think it's a muscle that can be exercised. I'm trying - I set an alarm with the intention that I will write early in the morning, and yet, when I swing my body out of bed, I have to cajole myself. I will do what I say I will do, she says. Doing it at Panera Bread with bottomless coffee I don't have to make is significantly easier than doing it at my kitchen table - I'll tell ya that. 

***

Stay a little longer? 

Wake up woman! You're not a princess! You're a dragon! 

 

Feeling alive. 

Somehow, the time and space creates itself. 

***

Sending you elsewhere - 

I know people have strong feelings about the Elf on the shelf, but Duke loves his, so I'm a fan. Ours arrived this morning with an Avengers Lego advent calendar to keep us busy every morning this month. 

Oh hey, remember when I said I'm a sucker for good calendars? I absolutely am. I just ordered this clever "Hidden Agenda" and I'm v v v  excited about it. 

Related: I was honestly charmed by everything I found at Brass Monkey. 

Sephora is running a decent sale starting today. I want to try this mascara (recommended by someone who said it replaced her lash extensions!) and the viral Cryo-Flash mask from Clarins. 

I read that this absolutely freaking bargain has been called "botox in a bottle." That's all I needed to hear, tbh. 

I just love the look of this $25 jacket from Kohls. 🍑coverage and chic? Sold. 

***

Happy Friday friends!

PS - there are some affiliate links in here, but aren't they everywhere? If you click on a link, they'll throw me a couple pennies for our combined hardwork, so I guess click with caution.